Shallow Lust

If I lived in a castle made of money, I would also be wearing this Chloe dress. It is cute and pretty and will cost you £485 if you so desire it – and if you’ve recently gone insane within walking distance of Harvey Nics and need to max out the last roof-space on eight credit cards. This could happen: you need to have a plan. Plan for this. At least you’d have a great dress.

In the real world, there is this excellent t-shirt (it could have been made for me) which is a slightly less scary £22.99 (www.seibei.com). Behold the vast abyss between my imaginary life of champagne cocktails and eternal summer (above) and my actual life of watching Don’t Tell The Bride in my ‘lounge wear’ (below).