Winter is like a Jean-Luc Godard film: it’s painful and it feels like it’ll never end. Everyone is saying significant things in stilted, self-conscious ways and wearing stripy jumpers. There are naked people reading newspapers, and a car crash, and it all feels bit surreal, but also, really boring. Well that metaphor didn’t really hold […]
Category: Healthy
The Introvert’s Guide to Disappearing
Important Daily Activities: An Incomplete List Make coffee. Dress. Neglect to check mirror for errors made while dressing. Check Facebook, Instagram, What’s App, news websites and Twitter. Stare out of window at high rises. Wonder if anyone is looking at me. Conclude: no. Feel tired. Download a Taylor Swift song. Feel guilty but invigorated. Arrive […]
Happy New Year! Let’s Explore Space Together, Forever, in Peace
As nobody will fondly recall, my resolutions for 2014 involved growing a moustache and starting a band called Our Collective Jungian Dream. I have achieved both. I also started riding a sweet 1970s bicycle, went to a piss-up in a brewery which was really well organised, wore some big jumpers, and got to know the […]
Hygge Will Get You Through This Winter
The long, dark nights are beginning. The Scottish winter demands effort and thoughtfulness, to get through it successfully to the other side. So I’ve been writing lists (‘make cookies. Wash clothes and self’) and making plans to go to the pub now and then. These things may seem small and lame. The lack of grandiose […]
Let’s Talk About Why You’re so Damn Sexy
While trying to maintain a contented life amid the milieu of our consumerist, capitalist end-days, sometimes, you just stumble upon something really bewildering. Face primer. I have now met face primer, and it’s a real thing. Does my face need priming? I did not know. I just did not know. Face primer made me […]
Two Lunchbox Recipes and My No.1 Celebrity Husband
There’s only one man I could ever marry. That man is Hugh Fearnley-Wittingstall. Let’s examine the facts. *Puts on glasses* Well, he wears a jumper well. He has a slightly suave accent. He squints a bit in his glasses, in a clever-looking way. He knows to how rear animals and organise a last-minute al-fresco lunch […]
Very Healthy Raw Food Recipes, With Added Normal
I was recently led through the rabbit-hole of the internet across a bounty of deliriously happy blogs about raw eating. These people were all off their tits on the immense life-force of raw food. Glowing skin, mental clarity, all kinds of other bonuses included. I was rapt. I clicked my way through more and more […]
I Gave Up Everything Good For 6 Months: The End Point
If this tale began like a made-for-tv movie drama, pitching in at the start with the grisly moment of horror around which the rest of the story will unfold, then it would have to begin with a close up of me in my flat around 2am, having just stumbled from a Halloween party, eating a […]
Misery, Happiness, Caramel, Unicorns
I love all the weird idioms which we all say like they’re totally normal. It’s fine to talk about something happening ‘once in a blue moon’. Also fine: ‘feeling blue’, ‘a prize idiot’ (what prize? The possibilities…), ‘swings and roundabouts’, ‘cutting to the chase’. As much fun as it is that we all talk in […]
“Self-Esteem is a Lifetime’s Work” and Other Celebrity Endorsements of Being a Mess
I read that quote in an interview with a celebrity years ago… obviously it was a celebrity whose body wasn’t sylph-like enough to grace a magazine cover. A celebrity who had to avoid humidity because it made their hair go all bouffant. A celebrity with squinty teeth. And a mono-brow. No, ofcourse, it wasn’t. It […]
Amy Jardine 