“Secrets, silent, stony, sit in the dark palaces of both our hearts: secrets weary of their tyranny: tyrants willing to be dethroned.” James Joyce, Ulysses Maybe it’s a symptom of living in almost certain safety, to find the idea of banned books romantic. Imagine: the soft crackling of a paper bag containing a hard-back first […]
Category: Tall tales
The Introvert’s Guide to Disappearing
Important Daily Activities: An Incomplete List Make coffee. Dress. Neglect to check mirror for errors made while dressing. Check Facebook, Instagram, What’s App, news websites and Twitter. Stare out of window at high rises. Wonder if anyone is looking at me. Conclude: no. Feel tired. Download a Taylor Swift song. Feel guilty but invigorated. Arrive […]
Islands and Books and Winter
In the winter of 2009, I spent four days in the dark windswept wilds of Shetland. Without any phone signal or internet, I was reduced to digging my book out of my bag. Luckily, that book was Lanark by Alistair Gray. It was just what was needed. It reminded me of the days when I […]
Happy New Year! Let’s Explore Space Together, Forever, in Peace
As nobody will fondly recall, my resolutions for 2014 involved growing a moustache and starting a band called Our Collective Jungian Dream. I have achieved both. I also started riding a sweet 1970s bicycle, went to a piss-up in a brewery which was really well organised, wore some big jumpers, and got to know the […]
Hygge Will Get You Through This Winter
The long, dark nights are beginning. The Scottish winter demands effort and thoughtfulness, to get through it successfully to the other side. So I’ve been writing lists (‘make cookies. Wash clothes and self’) and making plans to go to the pub now and then. These things may seem small and lame. The lack of grandiose […]
Let’s Look at 1963: Glamour, Beauty, Housework, Chevrolets and Gin
I get all excited about Christmas. I start making plans around August time. Right now I can’t wait to get Halloween out of the way so that the rest of the world will start joining in with the christmassing (oh, the snowball cocktails; the consensual glitterfication). I’ve been contemplating layering. How much merino is too much […]
Let’s Talk About Why You’re so Damn Sexy
While trying to maintain a contented life amid the milieu of our consumerist, capitalist end-days, sometimes, you just stumble upon something really bewildering. Face primer. I have now met face primer, and it’s a real thing. Does my face need priming? I did not know. I just did not know. Face primer made me […]
The Ernest Hemingway Institute of Manliness
I poured the water glass a third full of cognac and drank it off. ‘That was very big,’ she said. ‘I know brandy is for heroes. But you shouldn’t exaggerate.’ – From A Farewell to Arms Was there ever a man as manly as Ernest Hemingway? When I’m feeling a little melancholy and addled, I […]
Things I’ll Be Doing in 2014 (And You Should Too)
Firstly, to be clear, don’t take any of my advice. I am so often saddened by the decisions I make in my own life, and they only affect me. For this reason, and reasons of laziness and procrastination, I will not be starting a cult this year. If I did start a cult, it would […]
Stargazey Pie and Winter Tales
The alarm goes in the dark. The day looms ahead: rain, aches, itches, work. Wonderful possibilities are passing you by. Strangers are lost and unhappy and grief-struck. We’re an insignificant speckle amid infinite space. Yes, ‘tis the festive season again. Pass me my daylight therapy lamp, for I am s.a.d. If the dark is getting […]
Amy Jardine 